


Damian “doesn’t know how to ride a bike” Wayne

by Raedicleas



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Cute bandaids, Damian doesn’t know how to ride a bike, Fluff, It’s 5am, Oneshot, Tim gets hit by a helmet, batfam, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 12:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17284085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raedicleas/pseuds/Raedicleas
Summary: Damian doesn’t know how to ride a bike.Comedy ensues





	Damian “doesn’t know how to ride a bike” Wayne

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,  
> I did a thing.

Damian “doesn’t know how to ride a bike” Wayne

It was On Damian’s Waynes 13th birthday when his older brother, dick Grayson, bought him a dark green bike.  
Damian was going to berate dick for getting him such a useless gift, but Grayson just looked so happy with himself that Damian found that he couldn’t bring himself to do it.  
So instead, Damian just thanked Grayson for the gift and after his party was over he hid the bike in one of the the far corner of the bat cave, covered it with a tarp, and promptly forgot about it.

It was Around two months later when dick found the hidden bike.  
He was in the middle of cleaning out some of his old junk that he’s left around in the batcave when he stumbles upon the tarp covered bike.  
It’s completely devoid of any dust because Alfred does his job, and he does it right.  
Anyways dick finds the unused bike and is honestly kind of offended, I mean it took him like two months to save up for that bike. The least Damian could have done was use it at least once. 

With that thought in mind, dick decides that he’s going to go confront Damian about why he didn’t use the bike, as nicely as he possibly can. He goes back up into the manor and begins searching for his youngest brother.  
It doesn’t take long for dick to find Damian in the living room along with Alfred, Tim and Jason. The latter of the four were currently arguing over the logistics of the horror movie they were watching while Alfred was serving Damian some tea.

Dick didn’t wait long before before he made his presence known by clearing his throat. The occupants of the room cut of their respective conversations and turn to look at him. 

“So little D, I was cleaning out some of my stuff in the cave earlier when I noticed that bike I got you under a tarp.” He said

Damian visibly tenses under dicks questioning look before he scoffs and turns back to his tea while saying,  
“yes and what of if Grayson?”  
Tim and Jason continue their previous conversation, though this time is was quiet enough so that they could hear the other two, and Alfred just watches while performing his butler duties.

Dick quickly goes to reassure the now slightly more defensive Damian  
“Look lil D, I’m not upset with you or anything I was just wondering why you haven’t used it” he questioned 

Damian is silent for a moment, trying to figure out what the right thing to say was, and after a second he finally replies.  
“The reason I have not ridden the contraption you bought me is because I do not know how...as rare as not knowing something is for me” 

No one in the room was expecting that to be the answer seeing as everyone in the room goes silent for a whole 6 seconds which is probably a record for this family. Alfred is clearly the most shocked out of everyone because his face is showing a whole emotion.

Damian shifts around to look at everyone in the room, he is both confused and uncomfortable by the silence that is now filling up the room. He doesn’t let it stay the way for to long though.  
“Why have you all stop talking, is it that uncommon for someone to not know how to ride a bike” 

That seems to break everyone out of the momentary trance they were in. Alfred composes himself and Dick, with a very concerning amount of speed, dashed over to Damian and envelopes him into a near bone-crushing hug.  
Tim had a very different reaction, he started laughing so hard that he was actually crying. Jason also takes a different approach in the form of over exaggerated arm motions and a lot of yelling.

“IM SORRY YOU CAN’T WHAT NOW?! HOW IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK-“, before Jason could continue Alfred gives him a disapproving lookTM and Jason changes his wording.  
“How do you not know how to ride a bike?! I mean seriously Bat brat it’s-its a bike” 

Tim eventually manages to control his laughter enough to ask a question,  
“How did you learn to drive a car at the age of like eight and not learn how to ride a bike”.

Everyone is pretty sure that dick is crying 

Damian looks conflicted about whether of not he should explain himself, or stab somebody. Since dick was currently restricting most of his movement he opted to explain.  
“Mother felt that is was an unnecessary skill to add to my training”.

Dick is definitely crying now.

Before anyone had a chance to say anything to that, Stephanie walked into the living room and was witness to all of the chaos that was currently happening.  
Everyone except Alfred, that respectful bastard, was now staring at Stephanie.

“Uh ok what is even happening right now....is this like a bad time or something?” Stephanie asked.  
This question cause Tim to burst into laughter once again as Jason explain the situation as bluntly as he possible could.  
“The bat brat doesn’t know how to ride a bike” he said as bluntly as he possible could.

Stephanie froze similarly to how the others had when they first heard about it.  
Although it didn’t take as long before Stephanie joined Tim in his laughter and pulled out her phone to text everyone she had ever met about this. 

It was who then Cass walked into the room and just as quickly walked out of the room once she saw all of the chaos.

Damian looked as embarrassed as he was physically able to look by everyone’s reactions.  
He was just about to berate everyone in this room, except for Alfred, until they cried, when dick finally managed to pull his shit together.

Dick grips Damian’s shoulders and looks him dead in the eyes.  
“We have to fix this” he says with a tone that Damian has become familiar with over time.  
The tone that dick used meant that there was no possible way Damian was getting out of whatever was coming next. 

Alfred finally decided that it was his time to interrupt.  
“I believe that one solution to this problem, master dick, would be to teach master Damian how to ride the bike”.  
he states as he continues organizing a bookshelf looking as beautifully unconcerned as usual.

Dick almost immediately brightens up at this idea and starts dragging both Damian and the bike outside without saying a word.  
Alfred didn’t take his eyes off of the bookshelf as he said,  
“But perhaps you should wait until the sun is back up, master dick” Alfred advised 

It was only then that everyone realized that it was already after midnight.  
Tim nearly screamed because he was supposed to be doing work this entire time. He falls off of the couch and the. dashes down to the batcave, leaving the occupants of the room confused but not surprised.

Thanks to the distraction Damian manages to free himself from dicks ironlike grip.  
As soon as he free He stalks out of the room without saying a word which is obviously suspicious.  
usually Damian would have at the very least insulted Stephanie before he left.  
This odd behavior sparked more than a little curiosity between the 3 younger members of the group.

Jason, Steph and Dick looked at each other and made a silent agreement to follow Damian and see what he was up to.  
Alfred just kept on working although, and if you asked him he would deny it, he couldn’t hide the faint smile that appeared of his face when he saw the sibling-like interaction between the group.

The group of 3 were now creeping down the hallway after Damian like the stalkers they were.  
They somehow managed to trail Damian without him noticing.  
Eventually after a few minutes of their stalking they saw Damian heading into one of the manors many libraries.  
Damian attempted to slam the door but it ended up not closing all of the way.

Jason was about to burst in and interrogate the brat, but dick stopped him and motioned for the other two to look through the crack in the door.  
The 3 positioned themselves so they all could see and peered inside of the room.

Inside of the library Damian was currently making a phone call to a particular person.  
He pressed the buttons on the phone harder than necessary and was visibly impatient while it rang.  
The other person eventually answered the phone and Damian immediately started speaking without giving whoever was on the other line a chance to say anything.

“Mother. You had trained me in the ways of the assassin since I was the age of three, yet you neglected to include teaching me how to ride a bike. That decision has rendered me ineffectual at life and I blame you for this” Damian accused 

Talia, who was just now revealed to be the one on the other line tried to say something,  
“Damian wha-“.  
But Damian cut her off by saying,  
“In-ef-fec-tu-al”.  
he punctuated each of the syllables and hung up the phone.  
Damian started to head out of the library and the group of stalkers scramble back down the hall to avoid being seen by him.

The group ran back into the living room, where Alfred had already left, and collapsed on the couch.  
The three of them looked at each other for a moment, before they all burst out laughing.

TiMe SkIp 

The next morning dick woke everyone, except Bruce up, at buttcrack o’clock in the morning to teach Damian how to ride a bike.  
There was no need for everyone to be there, but dick said some bullshit about family bonding and then dragged all of them out to the mansions oversized front yard.

Tim and Jason were standing together, yelling various obnoxious words of support from a very safe distance away from Damian.  
Alfred had explained to Cass what was going on, so they were hanging out close by each with a first aid kit on hand.  
They know this family, they know how this is going to go.  
Tim had bought a new camera specifically for this occasion, so that he could record and show this moment to Steph, who couldn’t make it, and then show it to anyone he has and will ever meet.

As If all of them weren’t making Damian pissy enough, dick also had him almost completely covered him in various safety pads and an oversized helmet.  
Damian was not pleased.  
“Is all of this really necessary Grayson?!” He demanded

“yup!”  
Dick answered with a goofy grin, not seeming bothered by Damian’s critical tone.  
Damian just glared at dick as he started pulling off all of the safety gear he was forced into.  
Before dick could even attempt to stop him, Damian said  
“Grayson, I have been through trials that are several times more difficult than this, without any type of protection.”  
Dick silently relents and lets Damian continue taking off his gear.

After Damian finally removes all of his safety gear, besides the helmet, dick tries to explain how to ride a bike.  
“Aight Dami, so what you want to do is-“ 

“Tt, I don’t need your pathetic excuse of an explanation, I can do this by myself.” Damian proclaimed.  
Dick just sighs, seeing as how he’s used to this by now.  
“Fine Dami, But at least let me hold onto the back of the bike since your refusing to use training wheels”.

Damian rolls his eyes,  
“I guess I can allow it, and stop using that ridiculous nickname.”  
Dick holds on to the back of the bike and says,  
“Alright go.”

Damian starts peddling Down the driveway, and in almost no time at all he’s going at a pace where dick had to jog to keep up with him.  
“Tt, I cant believe all of you were overreacting about something as simple as this.” Damian goaded.

“Alright, well if you’ve already mastered this then I’m gonna go ahead and let go.” Dick teased as he let go of the bike.

“Wait wha-“,  
Damian was unprepared for that to happen and almost immediately after dick let’s go of the bike it twists out of control and Damian crumples to the ground.  
Almost the entire group lets out a simultaneous “oh shit”.  
Cass pulls out her phone to call 911, but Alfred just slowly pushed the phone back down.

Dick rushed over to the now scratched covered Damian and gets him sitting up.  
“Oh my god dames I am so sorry, I didn’t think you would fall, are you ok?! Should I call someone?!”  
Dick wouldnt normally panic this much if Damian got hurt, because it’s Damian and he has been through much worse.  
This time though Damian was barely wearing any sort of protective gear and when he hit the pavement, he hit it hard.  
Also Damian’s his brother and he love hims or something. 

Damian looks up at dick, who’s about four seconds away from arresting himself, with a rare, childlike glint in his eye.  
“Grayson.....can we do that again”.  
Damian says this with just the slightest of smiles on his face, and no one can handle it.

Cass is using the phone that she was going to use to call the police to take so many pictures.  
Jason is fake crying into Tim’s shoulder to hide how hard he’s laughing right now and tim isn’t even trying to hide how hard he’s laughing, while he continues to record what might be the funniest moment In his entire life.

Just then, a mysterious bike helmet flies out from nowhere and just so happens to hit Tim right in the face. 

The camera is safe.

tImE sKiP

It was about two hours later when Damian finally manages to get a hand of bike riding.  
It only took about eight crashes and several ruined flower patches, which Alfred assured Dick and Damian that they would be fixing later.  
By the end of the session Damian is covered in bandaids with cute, child like designs, courtesy of Cass.

It was currently just dick and Damian sitting in the yard next to the bike,because the others are adults and have to do things sometimes.  
Dick is also an adult but like....yeah.  
After an appropriate amount of time was spent chilling dick turns to Damian,  
“Well congrats lil’ D, looks like I don’t have anything left to teach you”  
Is what dick says like a total dumbass.

“Tt.”  
Damian’s stands up and starts to roll the bike back to the mansion.  
It was right then that dick saw the slight pout that was visible on Damian’s face, and it was also right then that dick realized he was a total dumbass.

“Hey Dami!” He calls out,  
When Damian turned to look back at him he continues,  
“Hey if you want I could probably fix up my old bike, we could go ride together in the park sometime.”  
“We could invite the other to, I’m sure Jason and cass could teach you a couple of cool tricks.

When dick says others he’s also including Steph and Tim, but Damian doesn’t have to know that.  
Tim needs to get outside more anyways.  
Damian scoffs,  
“Whatever suits your incessant need for attention Grayson.”  
That’s Damian for- he would like that.

Dick just smiles and the pair start to walk back to the house together.  
Although Damian does walk ahead of Dick so that he doesn’t see the small smile that’s forming on Damian’s face.

Later that night, on patrol,  
“Did you have fun today” Bruce questioned Damian while they were standing dramatically on a rooftop.  
Bruce is Batman so of course he was watching everything from the monitors like a fucking stalk- like a good father.  
Damian positions his grappling hook,  
“I suppose that it was adequate.” He says as he swings from the roof.

Bruce is glad he had fun

**Author's Note:**

> That was it,  
> That was the thing.  
> Also this was inspired by something I saw on tumblr, so props to whoever that was.


End file.
